Horror, Weirdness and Random Rantings Shhhh. Don't Tell Anyone

19Feb/100

New Cthulhu Comedy Sneaking Into Theaters

Though one rarely associates Lovecraft with slapstick humor, that's what you'll get in a new horror-comedy about the last living relative of the pulp writer who invented Cthulhu. The Last Lovecraft: Relic of Cthulhu is coming to theaters this year.

4Feb/100

The Slumber Party Massacre – Review

Slumber Party Massacre Poster

Slumber Party Massacre Poster

I don't why I subject myself to these movies but hey maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment. Anyways this afternoon's movie is "the slumber party massacre". Now saw this this little gem on the Internet and I thought to myself, "boy this looks so bad as to be truly awful". And well it was, I did a quick lookup on wiki and for a 1982 slasher film it pretty much delivered exactly on what it promised poor acting and lots of blood  and a most hilarious choice of murder implements.

Now before you go on and think well maybe "I'll watched this movie". I just have to tell you that like many of its contemporaries, this film used female nudity and gore to reach its teenage male audience arms so there isn't really much in the way of plot except murdering and tits so you have been warned that this movie is all about quantity not quality.

Right so basically it's a slumber party. Attractive girls letting their hair down and parading around skimpy clothes. It sounds like every possible male fantasy come true, except that guys aren't invited. Of course we sneak around the house peer through the windows rattle some doors and pretty much just look at the women changing in and out of lingerie. Now the problem is that the women are  onto us, they invite us inside and then of course, a homicidal maniac starts killing everyone and guess who draws the short straw and has to go outside and try hunt him down? you guessed it the meat shields a.k.a. the dumb men.

There were some plot elements involving a basketball team and some other stuff but we all know that is not the reason anyone would watch this trash. So I won't go into any more detail :P

So long story short you see some breasts, there is some killing somebody knocks the killer down instead of killing them they just run away as per usual. However I did learn a couple of things basically if you think you're getting tracked down by a serial killer or homicidal maniac don't have sex. I also learned never to wear black panties under tight yellow shorts and most importantly back in the 80s one in four teenage girls had breast implants.

I know that there is gonna be a lot of grammar errors, this is due to my laziness and the fact that I have not  trained DNS very much or very well.
4Feb/100

A.D. Trailer – Another Zombie Feature

Above is a short trailer for a CG zombie flick called A.D., found by Zombie Info. Despite the very poor zombie survival techniques displayed by the characters -- i.e., just sitting in the middle of the road and allowing themselves to get surrounded -- it's a beautiful trailer, especially the environments. I even like the extreme, Clone Wars-esque character designs, since they don't look like they're actually made of wood, and it looks extra cool on the zombies. Zombie Info has way more, er, zombie info on the makers and their hopes to turn this into a real movie; you should check it out.

31Jan/100

Special Dead ma

Special Dead

Yes, that is indeed a wheelchair bound dude with a chainsaw. How could that NOT be awesome?! That’s like a drive-by chainsawing! Of ZOMBIES! Let’s get a taste of the plot, shall we?

When a zombie plague infects Camp Special Dude, a dude ranch for the mentally handicapped, a ragtag band of campers and counselors struggles to survive the night. Led by the indifferent, nunchuck-wielding head counselor, Mac, and his wheelchair-bound sister Dale, the unlikely heroes fight their way off the mountain as, one by one, they’re picked off and join the ranks of the walking dead. It’s a campy stampede of blood, boobs and gore as some “very special” people show that they can kick some serious undead ass.

I highlighted my favorite parts of the summary. Almost just highlighted the whole thing, but figured I’d make an effort to pick out some stuff. Such as the nunchuck-weilding, or the girl named “Dale”. Oh yeah, and “Camp Special Dude”. That’s fantastic. I’m just not clever enough to come up with THAT offensive of a name for a summer camp for handicapped people. You can’t fake that kind of artistic mastery.

Now, if horribly mean-spirited movies about zombie retards are too offensive for you, perhaps you’d prefer Sars Wars: Bangkok Zombie Crisis.

14Jan/100

Dread – Trailer

Based on a short story in Clive Barker's Books of Blood collection, the film follows a philosophy student, who's obsessed by his own nightmares and conducts a series of experiments on people to observe their reactions to what they fear most, but soon discovers that these experiments will come back to haunt him.

28Dec/090

sweet jesus – more zombies

So many sweet Zombie movies, its a dream come true.

The Horde

Portrait of a Zombie

16Dec/090

Paranormal Activity – trailer

Paranormal Activity is a 2007 independent horror film written and directed by Oren Peli.[5] The movie premiered at the Screamfest Film Festival in the U.S. on October 14, 2007, and was shown at the Slamdance Film Festival on January 18, 2008. The movie received a limited release in several U.S. cities on October 9, 2009, and had a nationwide release on October 16, 2009.[6] The movie centers on a young couple, Katie and Micah, who are haunted by a supernatural presence in their home. The movie is presented in a documentary style, using "found footage" from the camera set up by the couple to capture what is haunting them, in a similar manner to The Blair Witch Project, and The Last Broadcast.

27Nov/090

The Crazies – trailer

Imagine living in a small town where everything is safe and happy... until suddenly it isn't. Imagine your friends and neighbors going quickly and horrifically insane. In a terrifying tale of the "American Dream" gone horribly wrong, four friends find themselves trapped in their hometown in The Crazies, a reinvention of the George Romero classic directed by Breck Eisner from a screenplay by Ray Wright and Scott Kosar.

David Dutton (Timothy Olyphant) is sheriff of Ogden Marsh, a picture-perfect American town with happy, law-abiding citizens. But one night, one of them comes to a school baseball game with a loaded shotgun, ready to kill. Another man burns down his own house…after locking his wife and young son in a closet inside. Within days, the town has transformed into a sickening asylum; people who days ago lived quiet, unremarkable lives have now become depraved, blood-thirsty killers, hiding in the darkness with guns and knives. Sheriff Dutton tries to make sense of what's happening as the horrific, nonsensical violence escalates. Something is infecting the citizens of Ogden Marsh... with insanity. Now complete anarchy reigns as one by one the townsfolk succumb to an unknown toxin and turn sadistically violent. In an effort to keep the madness contained, the government uses deadly force to close off all access and won't let anyone in or out – even those uninfected. The few still sane find themselves trapped: Sheriff Dutton; his pregnant wife, Judy (Radha Mitchell); Becca (Danielle Panabaker), an assistant at the medical center; and Russell (Joe Anderson), Dutton's deputy and right-hand man. Forced to band together, an ordinary night becomes a horrifying struggle for survival as they do their best to get out of town alive.

25Nov/090

Pandorum – Trailer

From the producers of the Resident Evil film franchise comes Pandorum, a terrifying thriller in which two crew members wake up on an abandoned spacecraft with no idea who they are, how long they've been asleep, or what their mission is. The two soon discover they're actually not alone -- and the reality of their situation is more horrifying than they could have imagined.

17Nov/090

Book of blood – redband trailer

Based on Clive Barker's "Book of Blood" wraparound story, which focused on a psychic researcher, who employs a fake medium to investigate a haunted house, where the said-medium actually gets visited by real ghosts. These spirits attack him and carve words in his flesh, which eventually form the rest of the stories in the collection, and leading to a literal living book of blood.